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The Best Way To Solve Your Child’s Behavior Problems

Posted on March 5, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

If you asked me a year ago what word best described my parenting, it might have been “rigid.” Being a preschool teacher for so many years had made me a little too good at setting limits and following through. It got to the point where every day with my 3-year-old son was a repeat cycle of tears and unnecessary power struggles. I found myself thinking that I couldn’t let go of one single thing because then, “He’d win.”

But one day it hit me… at what point did he and I stop being on the same team? At what point did I start controlling him instead of guiding him? Of course I should want him to “win.” I want him to win at solving problems. To win at loving others unconditionally. Most importantly, to win in our relationship.

Fast forward to now, and I’m viewing defiance and misbehavior in a whole new light.

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10 Positive Parenting Mantras to Help You Stay Calm

Posted on February 26, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

My 3-year-old is eating peanut butter toast with banana for breakfast (his request), and we are officially running late for preschool. We need to get in the car soon if we want to miss the morning traffic, but he has decided that he no longer wants the food that he begged for 2 minutes earlier. What started off as a relatively calm breakfast has turned into a battle of wills over him taking a few more bites of food.

“You’re going to be hungry” I say, realizing immediately that he could care less. I can feel my frustration rising and even though I’m trying to stay calm, I’m getting snappy and irritable. In hindsight I can see so many opportunities that fell through the cracks to salvage this morning, but in the moment… there was nothing. Nothing I could do to stay calm, nothing I could do to get this tiny human to eat his food. Tantrums all around.

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The Beginners Guide to Positive Parenting

Posted on February 18, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

I started learning about positive parenting long before I was actually a parent. When I was getting my MA in early childhood education, everything that I was studying about child development and how children grow up to be well-adjusted and emotionally intelligent… all pointed back to positive parenting.

So once I had my own children, it made perfect sense for me to start putting some of those principles into action. Once I dove in, the first thing I realized is that there is a TON of information out there. Too much information. It’s overwhelming and honestly hard to know where to start.

To help save you time on your journey towards becoming a more positive parent, I’ve compiled this list of 6 core positive parenting principles to live by. Consider this your “starter’s guide,” the “beginner’s manual” to positive parenting. Let’s dive in!

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The 5 Worst Ways to Respond to Your Child’s Tantrum

Posted on January 29, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

Think back to the last tantrum your child had. What do you remember about it? There’s a pretty good chance that you can’t remember what it was about, but I bet you remember “that feeling.”

You know what I’m talking about… the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and the heat rising in your neck and cheeks. The feeling that is a cross between desperately wanting to help your child work through the pain they are experiencing, while also being so incredibly frustrated that you just want to start screaming yourself.

It is so difficult to remain calm when our children are having a meltdown. The most important thing to remember about tantrums are that they are a completely normal part of childhood.

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10 Things to Say to Your Child Instead of “Stop Crying”

Posted on January 15, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

Have you ever seen those pictures on the internet titled “Reasons My Kid is Crying?” It’s a hilarious series of pictures of toddlers and young children having tantrums over the most ridiculous things such as “I wouldn’t let her eat raw eggs,” or “I told him he couldn’t drink my beer.”

Parenting a toddler is basically taking a walk through a minefield and waiting for the next explosion. As parents we have to be able to find some humor in the reasons our kids are crying, because otherwise we might literally go crazy. But at the end of the day, parents are always looking for the same thing: how to help our children recover from their meltdowns and build resilience over time.

Toddlers and young children lack the language, impulse control, and self-regulation skills to keep themselves calm and collected. Instead we see them whining and tantruming whenever they experience strong emotions or become overstimulated.

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How Spanking Changes Your Child’s Brain

Posted on December 4, 2018February 25, 2020 by Katie

Spanking is a major hot-button topic these days. Technically, spanking is legal in all 50 states as long as it’s “reasonable discipline” and does not cause the child injury. Some people come from the mindset of “I was spanked as a child, and I turned out okay,” while others feel it borders on child abuse.

Aside from a couple of swats for truly atrocious behavior, I was not spanked as a child. Generally speaking, my parents opted for taking away privileges or adding chores when I misbehaved. There was a time (before I really started studying child development) that I wanted to believe that spanking was no big deal. It’s what generations upon generations of parents did. It couldn’t be as damaging as so many people made it out to be.

But after I started really looking at the research and learning more about how children’s brains develop in those early years, I have taken a much firmer stance on this issue. Here are some of the unexpected ways that spanking affects the development of young children:

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7 Ways to Raise a Low-Media Child

Posted on October 30, 2018February 25, 2020 by Katie

This post contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. For more information, please read my disclaimer here.

In this high-tech, fast paced world, our family is making a radical move… we’re deliberately going LOW-tech. I’ve always dreamed of a simple, classical childhood for my children. I want them to read books, play outside, explore, go on adventures, build forts, color, and build. And I want them to want to do these things. Not to do them as a way to pass the time before I allow them to watch yet another TV show.

Technology is increasing much faster than research and studies can determine what is actually best for children’s developing brains. The American Academy of Pediatrics already recommends no screen time for children under 2 years, and a 1 hour limit per day of high-quality programs for 2-5 year olds. I always wonder if that limit will become more stringent as time goes on and we can really see the effects of technology over time.

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The One Rule That Will Make Your Child More Polite

Posted on October 16, 2018September 20, 2023 by Katie

Teaching politeness to your child is not just about instilling good manners; it’s about nurturing empathy, respect, and effective communication skills. It takes patience and consistency in your efforts to cultivate politeness, but it is a valuable trait that will serve them well throughout their lives.

From a very early age children begin learning that their words are powerful, and can use as a means of getting their needs and wants met. But when children’s words start trending towards rude and abrasive it may be time to implement this one simple rule in your home…

Children must ask a question, instead of making a demand

A demand is made from a sense of entitlement. The child feels that they should have something, and so they say it… “I want a snack!!” “Give it to mee!!” “It’s my turn!!”

Many parents focus too much on correcting the tone of their child’s demand rather than requiring them to ask for permission. For example, if a child yells “I want a snack!,” many parents will redirect them to say “I want a snack, please” in a nicer tone of voice. Tacking on a “please” is definitely more polite, but it doesn’t address the deeper issue.

Requiring your child to ask you a direct question has many underlying benefits, and it’s more polite. Instead of “I want a snack,” it’s, “May I have a snack please?” And instead of “It’s my turn”, its “May I have a turn?” The subtle difference in requiring your child to ask permission instead of making a demand reaffirms that the parent is in control. When your child asks for something, you as the parent can say “yes,” or you can say “no.” The parent is in charge of making the decision.

Children are much more likely to accept a “no” when it’s in response to a question they’ve asked rather than a demand they have made.

Because in the act of asking the question, the child is already prepared to hear a yes or no answer…they know that it’s a 50/50 chance.

No Nagging Needed – “Asked and Answered”

Another benefit to having your child ask permission is that it naturally shuts down nagging. A child can walk around the house demanding “I want to watch a movie” a million times, but when you require them to ask you directly “May I watch a movie?” they get a definitive answer. If the answer is “no” and they ask you again, you can simply say “asked and answered.” When parents are consistent, children learn quickly that “no” really means “no” and they stop whining and nagging.

Important Things to Note

Make sure to provide your child lots of opportunities to make age-appropriate choices throughout the day, so that they can also feel a sense of control over their environment. For example, letting your child choose what they want to wear or what kind of fruit they want with their breakfast. Children who are given the opportunity to make choices will be less likely to lash out when parents need to make tough decisions os say “no.”

Of course like any parenting strategy, it takes time to teach your child that they need to ask, rather than demand. Whenever my son makes a statement like “I need a snack now!!” I simply say, “Are you trying to ask me something?” He immediately knows to ask politely for whatever it is that he wants.

He still struggles (as most 3 year olds do) when the answer is “no,” but it’s getting better every day. The important thing to me is that he learns respect for authority. I want him to know that he needs to ask permission because we as his parents know what is best for him, even if he doesn’t understand it in the moment.

Check out: 7 Positive Ways to Get Your Kids to Stop Whining

Want more support in raising a polite child?

I've got you covered.

5 Reasons Why Your Toddler Won’t Listen to You

Posted on September 10, 2018February 25, 2020 by Katie

Dealing with toddler behaviors is downright frustrating. Do you find yourself racking your brain daily trying to figure out why your toddler won’t listen to you? There are so many factors that go into how our children behave that often times it can be difficult to determine the culprit. Are they overtired? Overwhelmed? Feeling shame or embarrassment?

When we have a better idea of how toddler’s brains work, we can gain insights into their behavior and take steps to help them improve over time. Here are 5 secret truths behind your toddler’s behavior and the positive parenting strategies you can use to help them:

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The #1 Skill Your Child Needs for Success in Kindergarten

Posted on August 1, 2018February 25, 2020 by Katie

This post contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. For more information, please read my disclaimer here.

With back-to-school madness just around the corner, so many parents are looking for ways to ensure that their child is ready for Kindergarten. We purchase workbooks, pull out flashcards, and pour over resources making sure that our child will be successful at this next big step.

But time and time again, research shows that a 5 or 6 year olds success in kindergarten has very little to do with their letter and number concepts, and everything to do with their self-regulation skills.

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Children must ask a question, instead of making a demand

Children are much more likely to accept a “no” when it’s in response to a question they’ve asked rather than a demand they have made.

No Nagging Needed – “Asked and Answered”

Important Things to Note

Check out: 7 Positive Ways to Get Your Kids to Stop Whining

Want more support in raising a polite child? I've got you covered.

Want more support in raising a polite child?

I've got you covered.