Behavior & Power Struggles

Category: Behavior & Power Struggles

Our Daily Mess > Parenting > Behavior & Power Struggles

How to Improve your Child’s Behavior Using a “Time-In”

Posted on June 1, 2020February 20, 2021 by Katie

“I’m angry, I need to go take a break”

Words I never thought I’d hear my 4-year-old say in the heat of frustration, as he walks himself over to the break area to calm down.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t how he handles every frustration (actually not even close), but the fact that this happened means that he is ON HIS WAY to learning how to manage his emotions without aggression or outbursts.

Isn’t that what every parent wants? For our kids to know how to calm themselves down when they get upset? For them to be able to stop, breathe, and think before acting on their emotions? Of course it is! But how do we help our kids to get there?

5 Positive Parenting Techniques to Use Instead of Yelling

Posted on May 13, 2020June 1, 2020 by Katie

No parent WANTS to yell at their kids. That look in your child’s eyes right after you’ve yelled at them feels terrible, I know. I’ve been there too. But there ARE ways to break the cycle and to find a new pattern of behavior, both for you and for your child.

The fact is that every parent at some point or another ends up losing it and yelling at their kids. Every parent has a breaking point. Some parents reach their breaking point after weeks of built-up exhaustion and fatigue, while other parent reach their breaking point nearly every single day.

How to Get Your Child to Listen The First Time With One Simple Strategy

Posted on June 11, 2019May 19, 2020 by Katie

One of the most frustrating aspects of parenting is figuring out how to get your child to listen the *first time* you ask them to do something. Nothing is more irritating that feeling like you need to repeat yourself, yell, or resort to punishment over simple requests. If you are struggling with little kids who don’t listen the first time, stick with me for the one simple strategy that actually works.

But first, here’s why it doesn’t work to repeat yourself in the first place:

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The #1 Way to End Power Struggles With Your Child

Posted on April 9, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

The number one frustration of parents everywhere seems to be figuring out how to deal with power struggles. It’s the theme that keeps repeating itself over and over again, from generation to generation.

We’ve come up with all sorts of nifty ideas about how to solve power struggles…. Timeouts and taking away “privileges” always top the list for the most common techniques. Those are closely followed by more positive strategies like giving choices, being playful, or using distractions.

But none of these options get to the root of the issue, and therefore none of them work in isolation for very long. To figure out how to solve power struggles once and for all, we need to address where they actually come from.

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A Step-By-Step Guide to Managing Toddler Behaviors

Posted on March 12, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

Ahh, toddlers. You’ve got to love them. Toddlerhood is actually my favorite age of childhood, because it’s a time of such huge growth. One of the most notable changes happening during this phase is child’s desire to be independent… the child’s desire to do things their way.

Sound familiar?

Wanting to do everything their way, along with other major cognitive and social gains creates the perfect storm for negative behaviors (like screaming, hitting, biting, saying “no”) to rear their ugly head.

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The Best Way To Solve Your Child’s Behavior Problems

Posted on March 5, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

If you asked me a year ago what word best described my parenting, it might have been “rigid.” Being a preschool teacher for so many years had made me a little too good at setting limits and following through. It got to the point where every day with my 3-year-old son was a repeat cycle of tears and unnecessary power struggles. I found myself thinking that I couldn’t let go of one single thing because then, “He’d win.”

But one day it hit me… at what point did he and I stop being on the same team? At what point did I start controlling him instead of guiding him? Of course I should want him to “win.” I want him to win at solving problems. To win at loving others unconditionally. Most importantly, to win in our relationship.

Fast forward to now, and I’m viewing defiance and misbehavior in a whole new light.

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The 5 Worst Ways to Respond to Your Child’s Tantrum

Posted on January 29, 2019February 25, 2020 by Katie

Think back to the last tantrum your child had. What do you remember about it? There’s a pretty good chance that you can’t remember what it was about, but I bet you remember “that feeling.”

You know what I’m talking about… the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and the heat rising in your neck and cheeks. The feeling that is a cross between desperately wanting to help your child work through the pain they are experiencing, while also being so incredibly frustrated that you just want to start screaming yourself.

It is so difficult to remain calm when our children are having a meltdown. The most important thing to remember about tantrums are that they are a completely normal part of childhood.

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5 Reasons Why Your Toddler Won’t Listen to You

Posted on September 10, 2018February 25, 2020 by Katie

Dealing with toddler behaviors is downright frustrating. Do you find yourself racking your brain daily trying to figure out why your toddler won’t listen to you? There are so many factors that go into how our children behave that often times it can be difficult to determine the culprit. Are they overtired? Overwhelmed? Feeling shame or embarrassment?

When we have a better idea of how toddler’s brains work, we can gain insights into their behavior and take steps to help them improve over time. Here are 5 secret truths behind your toddler’s behavior and the positive parenting strategies you can use to help them:

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3 Effective Phrases to Use with Strong-Willed Toddlers

Posted on March 18, 2018February 25, 2020 by Katie

Parenting a toddler is a lot like being a hostage negotiator: it takes planning, strategy, and some out of the box thinking. When we ask a toddler to do something, 90% of the time the reaction is a Big. Fat. NO. Eating dinner, getting strapped into the car, taking a bath, going to bed; almost any daily task can turn into a battle of wills when it comes to toddlers. At times, toddlers are so committed to saying “no” that they say “no” even when they mean “yes.” For example:

Parent: “Do you want your eggs?”
Toddler: “No!”
Parent: (takes eggs away)
Toddler: (crying) “I want my eggs!!”

Sound familiar?

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3 Fears That Could Be Affecting Your Preschooler’s Behavior

Posted on February 10, 2018February 25, 2020 by Katie

The age of preschool is an emotionally confusing time for young children. Between the ages of 3 and 5 years old, children are working through a lot of insecurities and fears that they do not yet have the language skills to articulate.

These common worries tend to surface in their every day lives through sadness and tantrums, and it can be difficult to differentiate the causes of the outbursts. In an effort to better understand our sweet little ones, here are 3 common fears that your preschooler isn’t yet able to tell you:

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