One of the most frustrating aspects of parenting is figuring out how to get your child to listen the *first time* you ask them to do something. Nothing is more irritating that feeling like you need to repeat yourself, yell, or resort to punishment over simple requests. If you are struggling with little kids who don’t listen the first time, stick with me for the one simple strategy that actually works.
But first, here’s why it doesn’t work to repeat yourself in the first place:
I know that this is not the case for every mom, but for me, becoming a stay at home mom was a fulfillment of a dream that I had for a long, long time. I loved being a preschool teacher for many years… but once I had my own kids, all I wanted was to be with them. I didn’t want to miss a moment of their little years.
When I finally took the plunge into stay at home motherhood almost a year ago, I had absolutely no idea what I was in for! Only a stay at home mom can tell you how entirely possible it is to be at home ALL DAY, and still not be able to get one. single. thing. done. Am I right?
Young children have a lot of BIG feelings, and it is our job to help them learn how to take all of those big feelings and turn them into positive social interactions. On top of teaching them how to act on their own feelings, we also want to make sure that they are also learning how to empathize with others when they are struggling.
Little ones have a hard time with empathy because of one simple reason: They don’t understand theory of mind.
These days, there is an absolutely overwhelming amount of parenting advice out there. We have access to all the information we could ever want with just the click of a button. As a result of this instant gratification, we become overwhelmed by hearing how SO many other moms do it, start judging ourselves, and enter into a vicious cycle of self-loathing.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
The number one frustration of parents everywhere seems to be figuring out how to deal with power struggles. It’s the theme that keeps repeating itself over and over again, from generation to generation.
We’ve come up with all sorts of nifty ideas about how to solve power struggles…. Timeouts and taking away “privileges” always top the list for the most common techniques. Those are closely followed by more positive strategies like giving choices, being playful, or using distractions.
But none of these options get to the root of the issue, and therefore none of them work in isolation for very long. To figure out how to solve power struggles once and for all, we need to address where they actually come from.
Is your child one that gives up easily? Do they sulk and say “I can’t do it” when things get difficult?
Or is your child brave & resilient, knowing that with the right effort and strategies, she can accomplish anything?
These two very different mindsets start during childhood and follow your child right into adulthood. They are described by Dr Carol Dweck at Stanford University as a Fixed mindset vs a Growth mindset.
Your little one is officially a preschooler. She’s making her way out of the impulsive toddler-zone and heading into big-girl-ness right before your very eyes. Every day is a new adventure with so much to learn, see, and do!
The first 3 years of your child’s life are all about gaining the language skills needed to question the world around them. And now that they have all the language they need to ask a MILLION questions a day, your child is ready to spend the next 3 years building his critical thinking skills.
Kids are notoriously terrible at waiting. Patience is just not something that comes easily to young children who want everything RIGHT NOW.
With every new piece of technology that comes out, our kids become more and more dependent on instant gratification. As a society we’ve forgotten how to stick with long-term projects and reap the rewards of our patience and hard work.
Ahh, toddlers. You’ve got to love them. Toddlerhood is actually my favorite age of childhood, because it’s a time of such huge growth. One of the most notable changes happening during this phase is child’s desire to be independent… the child’s desire to do things their way.
Sound familiar?
Wanting to do everything their way, along with other major cognitive and social gains creates the perfect storm for negative behaviors (like screaming, hitting, biting, saying “no”) to rear their ugly head.
If you asked me a year ago what word best described my parenting, it might have been “rigid.” Being a preschool teacher for so many years had made me a little too good at setting limits and following through. It got to the point where every day with my 3-year-old son was a repeat cycle of tears and unnecessary power struggles. I found myself thinking that I couldn’t let go of one single thing because then, “He’d win.”
But one day it hit me… at what point did he and I stop being on the same team? At what point did I start controlling him instead of guiding him? Of course I should want him to “win.” I want him to win at solving problems. To win at loving others unconditionally. Most importantly, to win in our relationship.
Fast forward to now, and I’m viewing defiance and misbehavior in a whole new light.